You smell like stripper and shame
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Too much gin, very little bucket
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
