I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
