I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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