no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
