She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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