people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
