Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
