So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i dont even know how to be here
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
