She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
