I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
