i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
