I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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