batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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