I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
