Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
