You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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