looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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