i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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