I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
