We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
