Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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