He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
