Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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