I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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