Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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