Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
