all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
