Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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