a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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