i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
