I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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