if you like me you must not know who I am
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
