brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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