Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
