Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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