1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
