Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
