Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
