birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Your cock deserves a montage
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
