exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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