I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
