the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
