Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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