before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
