I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
You can't special order awesome
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
