I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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