Is it normal to miss your booty call?
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
