we have officially lost it.
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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