I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
