Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
