do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Shame - the story of my life.
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