Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
